Metamorphosis and Music

So the hubs and I pulled out the big rubbermaid with all our cds that we brought to the marriage nine years ago and it got me to thinking about the changes in tastes, changes in me that have happened over those years. I have gone from living in the city and loving ever minute of it - “doing lunch” with my girlfriends, eating sushi on a bi-weekly basis, walking to work from my downtown apartment, going to art installations and gallery openings, having wine parties, running walking around the downtown park every evening - to living on a farm 45 minutes from the closest Wal-Mart, cooking 3 meals a day and “doing lunch” with my husband and three sons, I still walk to work, but that is because we live where we work, sushi comes only a few times a year now (sigh), and art is in the form of my kids drawings taped to my wall and clay sculptures throughout the house, my “park” is much nicer, acres and acres of woods, but all this is stark opposite of what I came from. But back to the music for a minute.....when we pulled out those cd’s there were some that sparked old loves and brought back fun memories, some sparked darker times in my life that I’d rather not remember, and some made me wonder, “was that really me that liked that?!” Some of that music I still have a fondness for, but no desire to revisit. And then there is all the new music that back then I never knew I would have liked so much and that I have grown into. Much like my life. When I go back to the city physically or mentally, there are parts of me that I will most likely never revive and roles I can never fit back into, but I am glad I lived them. I doubt I will pack up a backpack, hop on a plane alone and toodle around Europe or Australia for a summer again, but I am glad I did - those experiences have shaped me. Even the dark moments of my past have shaped me into who I am. At times I get mournful, yea even hyperventilate almost, thinking that that spunky free-spirited girl is gone - but really she isn’t. She has just metamorphosed into the woman I am now. Just like a caterpillar can never go back to being a caterpillar once it has become a butterfly - I can never go back to that girl. And just like the caterpillar never knew what potential she had hiding inside, I never knew that this girl was inside all along waiting to be expressed. I am thankful for my caterpillar stage, it gave me many rich experiences that fuel me in my job now and I feel make me a more well-rounded person and express themselves in new ways now (again like the butterfly). Had I stayed in the city, I would have never known what it was like to live a quiet, laid-back, living mostly off the land life. I wouldn’t have learned how to operate tractors and other large machinery! I would probably have been going so many places I wouldn’t have the time to really study and enjoy my husband and my children - not that every city-dweller does that, but I know myself and being the “I don’t want to miss anything” kind of person I am, that would have been me. Now the things I don’t miss are getting to teach my children how to read (what I believe is one of my greatest accomplishments in life), getting to snuggle with them, eating meals as a family, and offering a relaxing place for people to come visit and get away for a while. So, as I am tossing those cd’s in the trash, I don’t feel so bad - even the ones I used to love. They have served their purpose. (but I did find some good ol’ hip-hop music that I will be dancing to when no one is looking!)