Acceptance ≠ Agreement

This simple truth seems to go woefully misunderstood, or rather ignored and sparks quite a bit of controversy and hurt. If people would meditate on it for a few minutes and let that truth soak into their grey matter, I think we could avoid quite a many arguments and scars. And this goes wrong in two directions. First people will take a disagreement and “accept” the other side’s view in a relativistic way - I’m okay, you’re okay, it’s no big deal. Well, some things are a big deal, and if you are taking this route it is really a cop-out because you are denying convictions you hold (I guess if you do this they maybe weren’t true convictions to begin with). You are scared to make a stand thinking that if you do you will run the other person off, so you take this sell out approach thinking you are just being a peacemaker when really you are acquiescing to the other side’s view without even knowing it. The second way that people go wrong here is by being harsh and trying to impose their views on someone else. Because they refuse to bend on their convictions (which they shouldn’t in most cases) they feel the only way they can stand firm is to force the other person to agree with them. Herein lies the rub - can people really agree to disagree and remain close? I think it depends on the controversy many times, but more than that and I think fundamentally it depends on whether both people can understand that accepting one anther as they are - warts, differing views and all - does not mean that they have to merge their views and agree on everything. This is hard though, because we are human and we all want to be right and don’t think that more than one person can be right if those views differ. Hmmmm, mull that one over for a bit. I think it can be done, it just requires folks actually being intentional in their relationships, considerate of one another, and willing to endure some tension. The older I get I believe that life is full of struggling to find a comfortable place amid the tension we must live in, in all areas of life. Hard as we try, we will not be able to rid ourselves of most of it, therefore we must find a way to live happily in it, lest we let it swallow us whole.

Eye of the Tiger - funny story

I attended a college with a tiger as a mascot (and an Eagle, but that is a different story altogether and sparks way too long discussions of a circular topic - but I digress). My senior year I took a job as a hostess for the skyboxes during football season. On homecoming that year (2000) Survivor played a mini concert before the game (being as “Eye of the Tiger” was played at almost every sporting event that was held, and always at football games). Now I must introduce you to Carter. He was the older man (70s at least at that time) who worked guarded the gate entrance that housed the elevators to the skyboxes. He was a tough dude, very stoic to say the least. Well, I got assigned to that gate at the beginning of the season and was bound and determined to make that man my friend - I succeeded (after I graduated I returned for a game and he let me in sans ticket with a wink - trust me, this is a BIG deal!). Back to homecoming... I was upstairs when I heard over the radio that there was a problem with the band at the elevators. I had my suspicions so I went down, and I was right. They had no skybox passes, so per Carter, they weren’t getting in. Oh me! I went up to Carter and told him it was okay, they were with me. That was the end of the discussion - he said, “okay” and I brought them up via the service elevator. I got Survivor through the gate! I will say, that was one of the highlights of my college career. I have a photo with them somewhere in the recesses of a box - sadly this was before digital cameras so I have no idea where it is. Anyways, there is my funny story. So when I hear Eye of the Tiger, I of course sing at the top of my lungs, want to go kick ass at something, and picture Sylvester Stalone, but this memory also works its way in too.

Encourage people - you never know what may ensue

One of the reasons I quit watching American Idol is because I really don’t like to watch people being talked down to, made fun of, and humiliated on national television. (Now I know some people are trying to be characters and are vying for that negative attention, this is not what I am talking about.) This is one of the reasons I have thoroughly enjoyed watching The Voice. Even the people who aren’t that great were sent away with compliments and encouragements to continue pursuing their dream and keep improving. This, people, is how we need to treat one another. Can we just insert the “Golden Rule” a bit more often? I have a friend who offered to come take my children while I was sick as a dog this week. I told her thank you and that she was a very sweet friend - to which she replied, “thanks, I don’t hear that very often”! WHAT?! Why is that? Why do we not compliment one another and say thank you? I have another acquaintance who is pursuing her music career - I sent her an email telling her how much her music meant to us and how much we appreciated all the labor she put into making it. She was thankful and recently encouraged others to do the same for their favorite artists stating that it goes a long way. I look at my children and am convicted that I don’t do this enough. I had one parent who was over the top on the compliments, to a fault, false praise and afraid to criticize for sake of crushing self-esteem. I don’t want to be that - I think we need to be told where we can improve and encouraged GENTLY that there are some things we may need to leave to others. I hope I can do well with this with my boys. I hope I can encourage them to pursue their loves with every fiber of their beings. I know some folks are motivated by being told “you can’t do that” (I think I would fall in that category - tell me that, and I will bleed trying to prove you wrong), but I think that encouraging people to push through the hard times goes much further, helping them dig down inside and pull out the greatness that is deep within. Maybe this isn’t done because to pursue great things many times means being outside of the stereotypical box that society likes to keep people in. It makes us uncomfortable to go against the grain and take risks - but that is where amazing things happen. I don’t want to stifle my boys, or anyone else for that matter. Please, let’s give praise where praise is due. Encourage. And just be nice dammit - I get tired of all the meanness, there just isn’t enough time in the day for it. You never know where that compliment will lead and what fire it may spark...

twins make you famous!

My oldest son and I were having some good one-on-one time the other day when he told me that he hoped he had twins when he grew up (if I haven’t mentioned, his two younger brothers are identical twins). I, thinking this was a sweet expression of love for his brothers, replied, “yeah, it is pretty cool isn’t it?” To which he responded, “yeah, and twins sorta make you famous!” Well, maybe my assessment was a bit off... and again, I love the innocence of children - his view of “famous” and mine are completely different.

lest one think I am throwing the hubs under the bus...

I hope I have not given that impression in my previous post. He is a wonderful man who works very hard for our family every day. In fact, today I feel like crap and he is out of town. He talked to me on the phone this morning and said “I’ll come home tonight.” It will mean more driving for him in between long hour days, but he heard in my voice the need and I didn’t have to ask. He loves me at my worst. Even when I am as bitchy as all get out, sick beyond comprehension, or just plan blah - he still manages to see beauty and love me in spite of myself. And I love him right back, though he is much better than I am at looking past flaws (which then makes me admire him more). In fact, I thought I should list the many things I have learned from him that I am thankful for:
how to operate large machinery (tractors, skid steers, dozers, etc)
how to drive a very large stick shift truck
the ins and outs of machinery, engines, brakes, etc.
how to weld (though I am not good at it)
much ado about plants
much more ado about animals
how to shoot a bow
how to shoot guns better
how to appreciate country music (though my heart still resides in rock/pop and other genres)
how to appreciate the simple things of life
how to enjoy a more relaxed life
how to be silly (not my strong suit, I am goofy, odd, and peculiar, if anything my humour is in the form of wit and sarcasm, but he can bust a move at the most odd moments and make me laugh)
that I can be confident in who I am and not feel the need to fit someone else’s mold

And here are a few more things he hasn’t necessarily taught me, but just does:
fixes everything - from my car, to plumbing, electrical, anything that brakes - I mean ANYTHING!
gets creative with me - he may sound like a “good ol’ boy” but he is really a rather renaissance man, he is very artsy himself and with all his skills helps me implement my ideas too
helps me do woodwork and has cool tools for me to borrow (and is trying to find a good toolbelt that is small enough for me)
doesn’t talk down to me when we work together (since I’m “just a girl”) - he listens to my ideas and uses them.
cooks - oh man, can he cook! he is a real chef, and has taught me not to be afraid of throwing things together
is an involved Dad - I never had this, I love watching him love and care for our children
is humble - truly humble, not the put on kind. He will admit when he is wrong and is never above doing any task put before him.
is more patient and forgiving than anyone I’ve ever met
has more honesty and integrity than anyone I’ve ever met
doesn’t sugar coat things with me - he isn’t scared of my feistiness
he always has my back
is gentle with me, and knows when I need that, despite my tough exterior - he sees through the walls
compliments me, tells me I look great (more than just verbally), and says thank you
he loves me, truly, truly, loves me ☺

running - a juxtaposition of feelings

I hate running, I hate the idea of running, it makes me mad to think I need to go run. However, once I'm doing it I feel exhilarated and it is great for running off mads or other feelings inexpressible, and I kind of like it though I would never want to admit it. I love the feeling I have afterwards and having sweated so much. I still think I prefer yoga.

Kids and Secular Music

I feel that I should expound a bit (after my last post) about how we do “secular” music with our kids.... To me, good music is good music - and yes, sometimes there are some not so tasteful lyrics mixed in there. I have a hard time depriving myself of good music just because little ears are around. SO, we explain what we can in a way they can understand if it is a situation where the lyrics represent values that our family doesn’t necessarily agree with, and if there are words we just don’t want them to hear, we make up our own lyrics and sing them louder - for instance: Billy Jean is not my brother ☺ And with some things they help us out with their interpretations - lately they have been on an Adele kick (my 6 year old especially is entranced with her voice) and one of the 4 year olds explained that in “Rumour Has It” they thought it was about someone named Uma who had taken something that belonged to someone else (we left it at that for now). I even think back to my own childhood. There are songs that I hear now that I remember listening to, yea singing along with, in the car with my mom growing up. I hear the lyrics now and think, “oh my goodness, what was she thinking letting me listen to THAT!!!” But then, it all went over my head - much like I think it does with my kids now. And by the time they are old enough to catch on to what some of it all means, I will hope they are discerning enough to come to the right conclusions. And besides, good music is what helps keep me sane sometimes, helps pick all of us up out of a funk sometimes, and has given me some of the best memories of dancing with my boys in the living room - so I am not giving it up.

Can You Invite @adamlevine For Dinner?

So kids and famous people - there is no pretense, just unabashed honesty and I love it. My kids love music almost as much as their Mamma does. And there is an endearing thing about how they view these people coming through our speakers. They think no different of them than any other person they know. In fact, as they learn that they like their music more, they see them as a friend they have never met. I have been rather impressed with one of my 4 year old identical twins in particular who has an uncanny ability to recognize voices. I have 5 albums on my iPod from a group of artists who work together regularly. There is one girl whose voice he adores - she sings on only 3 or 4 of the 50+ songs in that playlist, and he picks her out every time. He has asked if we could invite her over several times. I was able to email her a while back and pass on the compliment and then later meet her in person (she is a friend of a friend). She is not “famous” by the worlds standards (though I hope her career takes off at some point - the girl’s voice is fabulous), but is tops on his charts. At what point do we loose this approachability perspective and these people become out of reach to us - is it them, or is it us? I mean personally there are some celebrities that I really think I would enjoy having over for a Saturday of eating good food, drinking a few beers, shooting things, and riding around the farm. There are certain people, famous or not, you feel like when you meet them “man, I could really enjoy hanging out with them!” not because I want to be able to say “oooh, I hung out with so-and-so” but because they seem to have something in common with you - something about them resonates with your own self (And there are some whom I like their music/art/etc. very much so, but don’t feel that same vibe if you will). I wonder about these personalities I see in the public eye - the music they sing, the interviews they do, the posts they make on various social media - is this the real them? Gosh I hope so, because I hate to be duped. To realize that it is a front would make me feel almost violated. So assuming we aren’t having a big publicity thing going on and what I see is what I get....I wish I could be friends with a few more people - it’s like some of my friends who live in other countries, I feel sad at the physical distance between someone I love being around - who seems to understand and/or relate to some of the thoughts and emotions deep down. Who seem to view and experience life through the same lens I do. The only difference is I haven’t met some of these “friends” yet. So back to said 4 year old - we had a date a couple weeks ago - I let him play DJ in the car, his playlist was as follows: Florence and the Machine, Cee Lo Green, Maroon 5, Adele, and Bing Crosby’s “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” (again, no pretense - he likes what he likes). He (as well as his identical twin) has gone around for several weeks now singing “Misery” (his edited version, speech impediment and all) NON-STOP

(@adamlevine, you may have competition! or a new duet partner)

— Lucy (@Lucycurio) April 11, 2012

OH, and yes, I did catch it on video for posterity’s sake. I was about to be in misery until he decided he then liked Adam Levine’s cover of “I Shall Be Released” by Bob Dylan and has since dubbed it his new favorite song by him. I was glad, I needed a break. That has been another voice he has picked out of the radio or iPod mixes - one of his “friends” he would like to have over one day and wants me to call. But then there is reality - I can’t - he falls into the out of reach category, but why? Why can’t he come hang out with the fam for an afternoon? I am not really sure. I think there is just the plain and simple “we don’t know him son” that is present, but when someone exposes so much of themselves to the public (and by all means, I am thankful that people are willing to share of themselves, especially letting us into their heads through their lyrics - I love what has been shared) it does leave you feeling like you do really know them. Similar in a way to someone you meet at a party or something, get to know a bit about them and want to know them better. I just don’t know how to sort it all out in my head. I have more thoughts on how all this plays out but it is a bit more metaphysical than I can get into words right now (plus I’m afraid I’d be talking in circles and boring folks). So I’ll leave it here. But for the sake of the aforementioned child, @adamlevine you are welcome to a day at the farm - and dinner - any time :)

Passion vs. Grounding

So I’ve had these two ideas waging war in my head lately. (see previous post about metamorphosis that triggered this train of thoughts) Are passions and what grounds you diametrically opposed or can they coexist peaceably? I think about my life before marriage and kids and some of the many passions I had then, many of them revolved around the arts and travel - in those realms (as well as others I’ll leave out for sake of meandering too far off topic) I have always been very spontaneous and impulsive. Sometimes this has yielded good results, others not so much. When I find something I like be it art, music, craft, etc. I dig in with all that I have. I want to know all there is to know about it, learn it inside and out. Particularly with artists (of all genres) I want to get in their head and know what inspired them, what makes them tick and what drives them. And when it came to seeing art live, be it music or what have you, I’d jump to go see it in a heartbeat. As far as travel goes, well, I’ve done my share. I have rarely said no to a trip and never turned down the opportunity to hop on a plane and see new places. When I was single, I’d save up for a trip, spend it all, and then save for the next (hence my European and Australian stents). So now I’m just an ol’ married mamma at home.... where does that put us. I married someone who in many ways is like me - we see eye to eye on most everything and enjoy many of the same things (I will even watch UFC with him and get into it - though I will never admit this to my girlfriends). BUT, a lot of what I used to spend my time doing are just not his schtick. And I’m fine with that. He, and my life now grounds me in hundreds of ways that are very good for me, it keeps me from spinning out of control, gives me stability that I didn’t have before and that is good. For example, we do not do concerts hardly ever. We both love live music, but the crowds and rude drunk people are a bit much - we’d love to sit and listen to a band we love jam out on our porch, but alas, that is not a feasible option. He isn’t really into art galleries, symphonies, and the travel bug never hit him either (but that aside, traveling with small children is not that easy so it’s not just his lack of desire that keeps me off the planes). So what do I do with that? Does it bother me? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I love him dearly and just like watching UFC with him, and him dress shopping with me - we give to and give up for each other - and I am not the only one who has sacrificed (I’m just the one writing so of course I am talking about me mostly). We still listen to good music and encourage the kids to love it as well (I have a post coming up that deals with my views on that). I think that some of my impulsiveness that I have given up is maybe not so much that I have given it up but rather that I have grown up and/or am just in a different stage of life now. I also think that part of marriage and loving someone is being willing to compromise. And I think that it is possible to compromise desires without compromising who you are - though I am not so certain how that plays out or how to distinguish which is which. Some of my passions just express themselves differently - we still listen to good music, I enjoy art with my kids, and now that we live in the woods, I am able to discover new passions and beauties in nature that I never knew before. And the depth of love I experience in my marriage can hardly be put into words. I have been in love before, and been deeply hurt before thinking that the scars could never allow love that strong again, but I have been proven wrong. SO, back to my original question. Is this grounding a good thing. I would say my trigger answer is yes, it has been very good for me and I am thankful for what I have learned and the maturity that has ensued. But the nagging question in the back of my mind is, are the passions that seem to be gone going to ever express themselves again? If they don’t is that okay, is it bad? Are the new passions that result from my grounding worth giving up some of the old? I just don’t know.... I guess time will tell.

Metamorphosis and Music

So the hubs and I pulled out the big rubbermaid with all our cds that we brought to the marriage nine years ago and it got me to thinking about the changes in tastes, changes in me that have happened over those years. I have gone from living in the city and loving ever minute of it - “doing lunch” with my girlfriends, eating sushi on a bi-weekly basis, walking to work from my downtown apartment, going to art installations and gallery openings, having wine parties, running walking around the downtown park every evening - to living on a farm 45 minutes from the closest Wal-Mart, cooking 3 meals a day and “doing lunch” with my husband and three sons, I still walk to work, but that is because we live where we work, sushi comes only a few times a year now (sigh), and art is in the form of my kids drawings taped to my wall and clay sculptures throughout the house, my “park” is much nicer, acres and acres of woods, but all this is stark opposite of what I came from. But back to the music for a minute.....when we pulled out those cd’s there were some that sparked old loves and brought back fun memories, some sparked darker times in my life that I’d rather not remember, and some made me wonder, “was that really me that liked that?!” Some of that music I still have a fondness for, but no desire to revisit. And then there is all the new music that back then I never knew I would have liked so much and that I have grown into. Much like my life. When I go back to the city physically or mentally, there are parts of me that I will most likely never revive and roles I can never fit back into, but I am glad I lived them. I doubt I will pack up a backpack, hop on a plane alone and toodle around Europe or Australia for a summer again, but I am glad I did - those experiences have shaped me. Even the dark moments of my past have shaped me into who I am. At times I get mournful, yea even hyperventilate almost, thinking that that spunky free-spirited girl is gone - but really she isn’t. She has just metamorphosed into the woman I am now. Just like a caterpillar can never go back to being a caterpillar once it has become a butterfly - I can never go back to that girl. And just like the caterpillar never knew what potential she had hiding inside, I never knew that this girl was inside all along waiting to be expressed. I am thankful for my caterpillar stage, it gave me many rich experiences that fuel me in my job now and I feel make me a more well-rounded person and express themselves in new ways now (again like the butterfly). Had I stayed in the city, I would have never known what it was like to live a quiet, laid-back, living mostly off the land life. I wouldn’t have learned how to operate tractors and other large machinery! I would probably have been going so many places I wouldn’t have the time to really study and enjoy my husband and my children - not that every city-dweller does that, but I know myself and being the “I don’t want to miss anything” kind of person I am, that would have been me. Now the things I don’t miss are getting to teach my children how to read (what I believe is one of my greatest accomplishments in life), getting to snuggle with them, eating meals as a family, and offering a relaxing place for people to come visit and get away for a while. So, as I am tossing those cd’s in the trash, I don’t feel so bad - even the ones I used to love. They have served their purpose. (but I did find some good ol’ hip-hop music that I will be dancing to when no one is looking!)

Zombies in my head

so as it is obvious from some of my posts, I seem to have Zombies in my head (yes, the Cranberries inspired my title). I don’t know what to do with them at times. There are times I indulge them. Times I get mad at them for bothering me when everything was going just fine. They remind me of things that I don’t want to remember. They spark ideas I am not sure I like. I pray they will go away sometimes. But they don’t. I can’t get rid of them, and I am not really sure I want to.

Like I said, this is just me trying to gather my thoughts together in one place and write them down. This may be one of those thoughts that makes you scratch your head. So sorry, do what you’d like with it.

First Post Jitters

So I've got the first post jitters - I mean, it is a big deal right - never get a second chance to make the first impression, isn't that what THEY say? Well, here goes anyway.....

I am very wary of the blogosphere. I have always been skeptical of it and thumbed my nose at it at times. I mean really, folks spouting off with their thoughts and and opinions, getting puffed up that other folks read it, how egotistical can we be here?! I pray I don't do that. I really detest the blogs where I have seen people be passive aggressive with their opinions, disguising them on their blogs to make their harshness not so bad, justifying their meanness under the guise of a point. The other thing that bothers me about blogs (and books too at times) is that they get taken so seriously and as truth just because it is in print. Again, please take my musings within context - they are one woman's thoughts, sift them through the grid of Truth and only keep the good parts, and please forgive the bad - I am a sinner and will be wrong, I have been many times before. And with that disclaimer, away we go!